"The Lord stood at my side and gave me strength" (2 Timothy 4:17 NIV).

My husband and I heard our oldest son Chuck scream and then shoot himself to death. It was 7:10 P.M. on a dark December night, physically and spiritually. But I want to share with you something that even to this day I believe is remarkable: the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength! We talk of miracles and throwing out our fleeces, and we moan that we no longer live in the age of miracles. I don't believe that. Miracles happen all the time, and I consider what happened that light-less and desperate night one of the greatest sensations of my life, even as we stood there appalled and disbelieving that such a thing could happen.

I actually felt a Presence beside me as thoughts raced through my horrified mind. I can't explain it but I know I felt it. As the sad months went by and we tried to gather the fragments of mind and spirit, I would think about that Presence and give thanks that He was--and still is--there. Otherwise, I don't know how I could have kept going that night. A companion verse is Psalm 110:5 TLB: "God stands beside you to protect you." I thought of this verse, too, that night when I thought of the article I had recently read about the young man who killed his mother and father before he killed himself. God protected us that night, another miracle.

One of the greatest statements of faith is found in Daniel 3:17,18 : "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it...But if he doesn't..." But if He doesn't...! I recall begging God to not let this horror happen. But it did happen. Sometimes what we pray for doesn't happen, but God compensates, of that I am sure. Several months after Chuck's death I wrote a booklet, part of it literally on my knees, that was eventually published and went into a world-wide ministry. Chuck lives in these hearts that have been comforted!