Do you get frustrated with your spouse, your kids, your parents? Maybe you cant stand your boss, or your co-workers drive you up the wall. Ill bet you think that if all these pesky people would just quit bothering you that youd be really happy, right? Well guess what, youd just find something else to drive you crazy because you like how it feels.

You THINK you dont want to feel upset or frustrated, but really, it is your THOUGHTS that are causing you pain, not the feelings. Try this. The next time you find yourself upset about something, STOP THINKING. Just stop the head for a minute and feel what is going on inside your body. Feel your heart rate, notice your breathing, pay attention where your body feels tight. STOP THINKING! Maybe youll notice that your heart is racing, your breath is shallow, and your stomach is clenched.

Now think of a time when you had these same physical sensations but you were in a happy place. Perhaps you were having an amorous evening with your significant other, or you were at a sporting event and cheering on your winning team, or you were anxiously awaiting the surprise guest of honor at a party. You experience that same exhilarating feeling in both Joy and Conflict.

If you want to have fewer conflicts in your life, you can start by admitting that you like that stimulating feeling you get when youre frustrated. Try this the next time youre sitting there, stewing in your own juices because someone ticked you off:

1. STOP THINKING ... Put all of your excuses, arguments, and validations on hold.

2. FEEL THE FEELING ... What are your physical sensations?

3. REMEMBER ... When have you enjoyed this same physical feeling in the past?

4. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY ... You wanted to feel exhilaration and you got it. Now own it.

Once you take responsibility, youll see that its pointless to blame others when you get upset, frustrated, and angry. The truth is, youre really getting a kick out of it. After youve followed this sequence a few times, youll discover a knee-jerk reaction to conflict that will remind you that you got frustrated just so you could feel the excitement.

5. LAUGH ... Dont take yourself so seriously. Its actually kinda funny.

If frustration and conflict work for you, then by all means, dont try this. Just keep doing what youre doing, and youll keep getting what youve always gotten. I promise, this will only work if you practice it. Once youve tried this suggestion a few times, youll discover that your THINKING is causing your conflicts and youll realize just how silly that is.

There is nothing either bad or good, but thinking makes it so. --William Shakespeare

Dawn Breeze-George. Reprint rights granted with article and resource box intact.