Every now and then I am struck with a feeling of despair and helplessness. Sometimes, we go through the entire year without thinking about those who are less fortunate. Most of us are struck with that charitable feeling around Christmas. Thoughts of children waking up with no presents to open, families going without a Christmas meal, all of these things that shouldnt be weigh on our minds during the holiday season. What about the rest of the year? Yes, there are some of us who try to do our part the entire year. Then there are some of us who never give it another thought. Like myself. I guess it is always in the back of my mind, but more so during the holidays. Through the year, Ive participated in other charitable events, but its not the same drive you get during Christmas.

I want to share a story with you. This event took tonight.

My husband and I went to the local grocery store. It was about fifteen minutes before closing time and we just needed a few items. Well, if the truth were known, we actually rode to town to pick up a six-pack. The decision to stop at the grocery store was a last minute decision.

In the store we were walking past the meat department. There was an elderly woman looking at a package of meat. She asked my husband if it was pork chops, and he replied, yes maam. The woman put the package down and commented on how expensive they were. We all agreed and moved on.

We had reached the only check out line that was opened. There was such a lengthy line trying to check out. The aisle was so narrow that you couldnt even stand beside your basket. The elderly woman was checking out followed by a shopping basket, a man, our basket, us, and behind us was about four people. Everyone was chatting back and forth. I saw the woman place a gallon of milk, a box of cereal, a loaf of bread and a few can goods on the counter. After a few minutes I glanced up to see what was taking so long. I noticed the cashier roll her eyes and it was obvious that she was growing impatient. I wondered if she was just anxious to get the store closed. Whatever the case, I thought she was rude. The elderly woman was doing her best to count out her money, handing the cashier some bills and counting out her change.

The cashier was arranging the bills and was shaking her head. I wanted to say something but I was too far away. I then noticed that there was a verbal exchange going on between the two, but I couldnt hear over the chattering in the back of the line. Then I heard the cashier say in a stern voice, thirty-eight cents. I saw the elderly woman look down and I attempted to inch up between the baskets with no success. I turned to my husband who was talking to someone else. I had this feeling that I knew what was going on. I didnt bring my purse with me so I reached in my back pocket, finding nothing but a piece of paper. I turned to my husband again but the cashiers voice caught my attention. She reached in one of the bags and pulled out the cereal. The elderly woman was looking at the floor. The cashier ran the box over the scanner and handed it to the girl that was bagging groceries. The girl immediately left. I knew she was going to put the cereal back on the shelf.

I looked around and the line was longer. The man in front of me was talking to someone also. I wanted to yell, Wait a minute! Weve got thirty-eight cents, but I didnt. The thought suddenly entered my mind that I would embarrass the woman. I watched as the cashier gave her back some change and she feebly picked up her bags and walked out the door. I watched her every step with a heavy heart. Once outside she walked in front of the large window and glanced back at me. I felt my heart stop. I wanted to run to her but I couldnt. She nodded her head at me and I gave her a half smile. She smiled and I turned my attention on moving up in the line.

We finally checked out and walked out the opposite door. In the parking lot I turned to see her sitting on the bench. I guess she was waiting on a ride. I stood beside my vehicle lost in my own thoughts until my husbands voice brought me back into reality. I got in the truck and glanced at her again.

My husband replied, There are some really poor people in this county. I turned to look at him. He expressed his thoughts that he felt she really wanted those pork chops. I felt the tears building in my eyes. I told him what I had witnessed. He angrily replied that I should have told him that he would have bought the cereal for her.

I sat there a moment. I then asked him, At what cost? To embarrass her in front of everyone?

He sat there a moment and looked in her direction. I wanted to walk up to her and give her the five-dollar bill that he placed in my cup holder. I was afraid. I was afraid that I would insult her. I didnt know what to do. What should I do? My mind was failing me and my heart was hurting.

We drove off in silence as tears flowed down my cheek. Tears not only for her, but also for my ignorance.

As I sit here and type this I am not sure what the right thing to do was. I wish I had been right behind her so that it would have been easier to help her. My husband and I could have handed the cashier a dollar and I could have replied Oh, I hate it when I leave all my money at home. Would I have thought about that if I had been behind her? I dont know but it would have been better than the outcome of this event.

I sit here trying to make sense of it all. The images of people chatting happily, the rude cashier, and this poor elderly woman. Everyone was so engulfed in their own moments that the pitiful scene went unnoticed by so many. Unnoticed except for me. I am so full of guilt, pity and strangely a feeling of gratitude. Gratitude for what I have. As I type this, the tears are filling my eyes. I am not trying to be selfish; I am trying to express my sorrowful feelings.

Sometimes we forget that we are so much more fortunate than our fellow neighbor. We must not forget this. I am heart broken that this episode had to occur to remind me of this. Oddly I feel confused and blessed. Confused for all that I have stated and blessed to know that I have so much to be thankful for.

I pray that if I ever have to witness this again, I will have the answers and act upon them. The scenes of tonight will be forever etched in my memories.

This unknown woman will be in my prayers tonight, as will myself. For I am not convinced my failure to act is justified.